A Matter of Patience
by bookwormwithanattitude
Summary: An AU where Winry is the one who provides Lan Fan with a new arm after she cuts hers off and they both end up bonding as they discuss the loss they've endured and the burden of being stuck waiting. I wrote it way back in February for Femslash February and posted in on A03 but not here. Complete.


Winry was finally trudging to her bed after a late night of work when she heard the muffled crying.

She knocked softly on the door of the room it came from. "Lan Fan?"

There was no response. She opened the door and poked her head in. Lan Fan was hunched over in her cot, her face buried in her blankets.

"Hey," Winry said softly. "Are you in pain or something? Do you want me to get your grandfather?"

"I'm not in pain," Lan Fan mumbled into her knees.

Winry was doubtful about this as she looked over an Fan and the monstrous tangle of wires currently attached to the mechanism that had recently been installed in her stump. A scent of blood still hung in the air, telling her that the other girl must have been coughing it up not too long ago.

She shut the door behind her and sat down on the stool beside the bed. "There's no shame in needing someone to sit up with you, you know. I sat up with Ed every night. I'm an old pro, if you'd rather it be me than your grandfather."

"He should be looking for the Young Lord," Lan Fan snapped, still not looking at Winry. "Not here. "

Winry hesitated. "I don't know Ling very well, but I'm pretty sure he would approve of your grandfather's decision to stick around to make sure you're safe while you're in recovery."

"He probably would, but that doesn't make it any less of a bad decision," Lan Fan said. "We have to look at the big picture. We must rescue the Young Lord right away and bring him back to Xing with the philosopher's stone… or our people will die. Our priorities are clear. It is idiotic that Grandfather's stuck here on my account."

Winry gritted her teeth and did her best to keep her voice level. "Well, I would like to remind you that I'm also stuck here and I actually really appreciate having your grandfather around to protect us from any homunculi that might come knocking."

Lan Fan finally lifted her head and looked at Winry. Her eyes were wet and red.

"…I apologize," she muttered. "Of course, my grandfather should be here to protect you. And… I do appreciate that you are risking your life to provide me with automail."

"No," Winry said, feeling her stomach drop a little. "No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you, you're in a lot of pain."

Lan Fan shook her head, wiping her eyes. "Honestly, the pain isn't bothering me right now. Well, yes, a little, but that's not why I'm…feeling bad. I just feel…stuck. Like I've been left behind and all I can do is wait."

Winry laughed. "Welcome to my life. But listen, here's something I've learned recently…you've got people waiting too. Ling got himself stuck- in an practically immortal body, I might add, so I think he'll be fine-and he's waiting it out for the right moment. The moment he can see you again. Both of you just need to keep yourselves safe, and then you'll be able to save your clan. If you aren't patient, it won't happen. You have a goal. Work towards it. You have to believe in him and your grandfather and they have to believe in you. All any of you can do is hold up your end of the deal while you're separated. It's the same with me and my family right now."

Lan Fan sighed. "I understand. It's just…are you sure we can't do it any faster than six months? Can we cut it down to four, maybe?"

Winry rolled her eyes. "If you want to die."

"Don't underestimate m-" Lan Fan interrupted herself with a coughing fit. Instinctively, Winry put a hand on one shoulder to steady her, rubbing her back with her other hand. When Lan Fan's coughs subsided, she looked down at Winry's hand on her shoulder and flushed a little.

"Ah, sorry about that!" Winry said quickly, letting go.

"No, it was all right," Lan Fan said as Winry rummaged awkwardly around in her coveralls, finally extracting a cloth for Lan Fan to wipe her mouth with. "Thank you."

Winry smiled. "Like I said, I can sit up with you any time."

"I'll think about it."

It was a few days later, and during another late night of working, that Winry heard the scream.

Winry burst into Lan Fan's room, bandanna askew. "What's wrong?" she cried, looking around to make sure there weren't any attackers hiding in the shadows.

Lan Fan was sitting up straight in her bed, pale and covered with sweat. "N-nothing," she said, her breathing uneven. "It-it was a mistake, please go back to your work."

"Oh, you had a nightmare," Winry said, her shoulders slumping in relief. She noticed Lan Fan had her knife-thingy in her hand. "Did you… grab that in your sleep?"

Lan Fan quickly hid the weapon under her covers. Winry pulled up her stool. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's stupid…" Lan Fan muttered.

"I once woke up screaming because I dreamed I'd given a customer a rocket punch arm, only it didn't detach and they got blasted into space along with it and never came down. Your nightmare is not going to sound stupid to me."

Lan Fan gave a small smile for a second. Then she looked down at her lap, biting her lip. "Okay…well… I dreamed that Bradley was …killing everyone …the young lord, you, grandfather…and I couldn't do anything because…" she gestured at her stump and the wires attached.

Winry winced.

"Don't let it scare you. It's just me being…stupid…and fearful," Lan Fan said, gritting her teeth and wadding up her sheets in her fist.

Winry gently put her hand over Lan Fan's clenched one.

"That's not stupid. I mean, he hurt you really badly, he's incredibly powerful…Being worried about him is just common sense," Winry said. She realized too late this probably wasn't going to make Lan Fan feel better.

Lan Fan ducked her head, letting her hair cover her face. "Part of me is so afraid…and part of me just wants to find him and kill him, over and over…even though it's not part of my mission…I hate him so, so much…"

"I hate him too," Winry said suddenly. She was actually surprised it spilled so easily out of her mouth, a feeling that hadn't been fully named until now, but had always lingered since that day. "It was just after what he did to you, that he came and had tea with me. And there he was smiling, asking about me like he cared, but all I could keep thinking was you ordered the war that killed my parents. You started all this."

She sighed. "… But I didn't say it. I didn't have the energy after what had happened, I thought maybe I didn't understand, I mean, he's the president of the country and I'm just…maybe he was like Ms. Riza and he regretted it, I thought. He acted like he did. He was acting so nice. But then I find out he's some sort of monster, that he'd just come back from hurting you…he just wiped your blood off his hands and sat down to have tea with me, smiling like nothing had happened. I'm sure he was actually glad my parents died, I'm sure he hated them for treating Ishvalans…"

Now her fist was clenched and shaking, just like Lan Fan's. "So don't ever think you're a coward. At least you struck back at him. I was too intimidated to say anything."

Lan Fan's hand relaxed under Winry's. She slipped it out from under and laced her fingers through Winry's.

"Don't." Lan Fan said. Winry was surprised her voice could sound so warm and gentle. "Don't blame yourself for what you didn't know."

"Well then, don't blame yourself not being invincible," Winry muttered a little sullenly.

They sat there in silence for a short time. "…I'm sorry about your parents," Lan Fan said after a while. "Mine are dead too, along with my grandmother… we're a family of bodyguards after all. It's not a very safe profession…"

Winry shivered. "I can't imagine doing what you do. That kind of dedication… "

"Well, I can't imagine having the dedication to do what you do either," Lan Fan said with a grin, squeezing Winry's hand. "I don't have the patience."

"Yeah, I agree there," Winry said and Lan Fan scowled at her. Then she laid back on her pillows with a sigh. Winry noticed she didn't let go of her hand

Her eyes were hazy and her expression was strained. Winry realized the pain must have started bothering her again.

"Do you want me to sit up with you?" She asked.

Lan Fan's face turned a little red. Winry was glad she'd gotten her color back.

"Only if you want to…" Lan Fan groaned. "I hate feeling this vulnerable. Honestly, my short life expectancy is nothing compared to the torture of crying pathetically in front of you all the time."

"There's nothing wrong with crying. It's bottling it all up that's stupid and stressful for the people around you," Winry said firmly.

"At least tell me the shrimp was this pathetic," Lan Fan said through gritted teeth.

"He cried pretty much every night," Winry said automatically. "…don't ever tell him I told you that."

"That didn't even make me feel better," Lan Fan mumbled, sweat beading on her forehead. "Now I just feel all sorry for him and like we have something in common. What's wrong with me…."

"You actually remind me of him a lot…"

"Not that again!" Lan Fan snapped, sitting up slightly. "I don't know where you and that other Elric keep getting that. For one, I'm a better fighter and I don't need to rely on alchemy, I'm not crude, I have design sense-nnngghh…" She squeezed her eyes shut, clearly feeling too feverish to keep up the energetic tirade.

Winry gently pushed her back down on her pillow. "I just meant that you both waste way too much energy acting tough."

She held Lan Fan's hand until she finally fell asleep.

Winry sat up with Lan Fan several nights after that one. They'd occupy themselves talking about whatever they could- making fun of Ed, discussing the cultural differences between Xing and Amestris, rambling their careers… sometimes that cycled back to their fears again.

"I've been working as a bodyguard for almost as long as I can remember, but that was really the first time I actually thought I was going to die…that we both were," Lan Fan said once. "But somehow, I made it. From now on, I have to really be prepared. I can't be taken by surprise anymore. It's unlikely I'll get lucky a second time. Not in this business."

Winry didn't know what to say to that.

As the surgery progressed, Lan Fan alternated between sweating up a storm from her fever and getting chills. Even though it didn't help much, Winry would climb into bed beside her when she got cold and huddle together with her. Lan Fan would curl against Winry and rest her head on her chest.

During one of these times, Lan Fan fell asleep against her and began overheating again. Winry quickly slipped out of the bed, but Lan Fan tightened her grip on Winry's hand in her sleep, clinging to her. Winry gently detached herself and adjusted Lan Fan on her pillows. She pushed Lan Fan's sweaty bangs back and kissed her softly on the forehead.

"Sorry, I have something to do," she whispered. She left Lan Fan with a cold cloth on her forehead and a glass of water on her night table.

"I want to show you something," she told Lan Fan a few days later.

"It's not another medical book, is it?" Lan Fan said with trepidation. "Because honestly, I'm already feeling pretty nauseous…"

"Excuse me for thinking you might have been interested in what's being done to your body!" Winry huffed. "No, it's not that. Just let me get it, okay?"

"Okay…" Lan Fan said as Winry rushed out the door.

Winry bounded back into the room, a mostly formed metallic arm in one hand and a piece of paper in the other.

"Normally this much wouldn't be done this early, but I thought you might wanna see how your automail's coming along," Winry said, dropping her project on the bed and spreading out the sketch beside it.

Lan Fan looked over it, her eyes wide.

"As you can see, I'm trying to build it so it will hopefully not only allow you to install whatever blade you want, but switch them out yourself….there's also a possibility I could fit in a very small cannon. It's not going to do much more than stun your opponent at that size, but in a pinch…there's a possibility I could make it like you have claws, if I could get the right material…either that or spiked knuckles…"

She looked up at Lan Fan hopefully. "So, what do you think?"

Lan Fan opened her mouth like she was trying to speak, but seemed unable to.

"Uhhh…I guess it's a little over the top, yeah," Winry said, blushing and rubbing the back of her head. She gathered up the sketch. "I just wanted to show you…you're definitely going to survive, Lan Fan. You're too stubborn to die and… I swear my automail won't be a disadvantage to you. I'll do everything I can to make you 200 percent safer than you were before…whoa, wait, does something hurt?"

Lan Fan was trembling with her hand over her mouth, tears streaming down her face.

She shook her head at Winry stammering "N-no…it's not that…I'm…this makes me really happy…It's so…" She looked up at Winry with a watery, hesitant smile. "Winry…is it okay….can I kiss you?"

Winry dropped the sketch she was holding. Heat crept up her neck and rose in her face. "Uh…yes…I mean if you want…I mean…sure."

Lan Fan crawled forward on her bed, leaned over and kissed Winry on the lips. It was so gentle and soft Winry almost couldn't believe this was the same girl who broke men with her bare hands.

"Wow," she said when Lan Fan pulled back. Her knees were so weak and her skin felt so hot that she wondered if she was the one suffering from a fever now. "You must really like weapons."

"Yeah. And I really like you," Lan Fan said, ducking her head a little. "'I'm glad you're my mechanic."

"I'm…I'm glad I am too."

"Sorry got your face a little wet," Lan Fan said, wiping at Winry's cheeks with her thumb.

Winry finally registered that Lan Fan's tears had gotten on her. "It's no big deal, my face is pretty used to it since I'm normally the crybaby. I'm just glad they're tears of joy."

Then she laughed and pumped her fist. "Hs! I made someone cry tears of joy! Yet another thing I've beaten Ed at."

"I'd say you've beaten him in the romance department too," Lan Fan snickered. "Unless he's had a romantic encounter no one knows about?"

"Have you met him?" Winry chuckled. "I don't think so."

There was a short silence where they just smiled at each other. Lan broke it first.

"I bet you must have pulled some really late nights get this much done as quick as you did," Lan Fan said, gesturing at the automail. "You should take a break now. At least pace yourself a little."

Winry raised her eyebrows. "What happened to the girl who wanted to get it done in four months?"

"She realized she might hurt more than herself with her impatience," Lan Fan muttered, fidgeting with her sheets. "So…you can just relax for a bit if you want. Read, sleep, whatever. It would be… I mean, you could even stay with me the whole night tonight? If you think you'd be comfortable?"

Winry grinned. "Scoot over."

That night, they both slept soundly.


End file.
